The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Not my mom telling me she still talk to my ex because I still talk to her ex... Mam that's my DAD
— Sesla (@SessyKhiba) May 1, 2022
I've started picking furniture up off the side of the road, restoring it, and then selling it on Facebook in order to finance my expensive new hobby, which is picking furniture up off the side of the road and then restoring it to sell on Facebook.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) May 1, 2022
guy with synesthesia who’s really really mad: this is making me think of a sharp red triangle. and it’s big
— 👼 Sweet Baby Jill 👼 (@littlemissqueer) May 4, 2022
it would be fun to date a chef who was an asshole and then break up with them like “pack your knives and go”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 1, 2022
trying to get myself out of bed by repeating “come on barbie, let’s go party” in increasingly strange voices
— jourdain searles (@judysquirrels) May 4, 2022
if it’s possible I would love to be living through less history. fewer history if I could
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) May 4, 2022
due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) May 3, 2022
I can’t stop laughing at Republican dudes calling women who are rallying for abortion rights “cat ladies” who can’t get a date. What do they think causes the need for an abortion
— Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) May 4, 2022
I find period jokes to be funny. I'm sorry that you don't, maybe you're just ovary acting.
— BitchyBritt (@BitchyBrittyBoo) May 1, 2022
My dog looks like he’s about to share a really bad political opinion pic.twitter.com/5Mo5QR1Ssx
— Rani Molla (@ranimolla) May 4, 2022
Kinda rude for the automatic toilet to flush before I’m even done crying.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) May 4, 2022
I know this is borderline psychotic but i’ve heard my upstairs neighbors have sex so many times that I am like 90% positive that one of them is cheating rn…. the rhythm is off that’s all i’m saying
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) May 6, 2022
When you guys say stuff like “hot girls do their laundry on thursday” or whatever it makes me feel like I am trapped in a tj maxx
— helena (@freshhel) May 5, 2022
give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, push a man into a volcano and the sun god will ensure a bountiful harvest this season
— elle was a mistake (@ellewasamistake) May 2, 2022
There’s nothing I love more than blocking ppl mid text. Imagine u thinkin u bout to get a good point across then boom 💥 blocked for dtm
— Nicki Minaj (@NICKIMINAJ) May 3, 2022
drinking one glass of wine and texting everyone I love "Hi"
— demitria (@wannabfisherman) May 1, 2022
I once had a customer complain that her steak "tasted like cow." I was so confused that I said, "Well, I sure hope so" which caused her husband to burst out laughing. She quickly shot him the death stare and I often wonder where she hid his body.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) May 4, 2022
fuck..........I want some yogurt but I have to be on the GO soon!!!!!!!!!!!! what to do?
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) May 5, 2022
hung out with my boyfriend’s mom for too long. was like damn i love this bitchhhhhhhh we’re like LITERALLY the same person.. then i was like ohhhhhhhhhhhh
— a beautiful woman.. 👄💕🦷✨ (@tamagotchimilf) May 3, 2022
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a garbage can, digging out the box because it turns out I do still need the directions.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 5, 2022
